


to touch you

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Coney Island, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, These two need to learn to use their words, covert touching in public, ima warn you its super fluff up in here, minor arguing because theyre steve and bucky, preserum steve rogers, stand alone fic, stucky fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 18:04:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4531785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How 'bout this? I'll squeeze in real close and make sure you don't get hurt," Bucky says with a shrug. Honestly he isn't that excited about it and he has his doubts but he'd do just about anything to get closer to Steve without giving himself away. In the past year hes been on more dates than he should have and they're swell and all and there's something about kissing a girls warm lips and feeling the curve of her waist under his fingertips - it's nice but damn if he doesn't want to feel Steve's lips under his own and the taste of his tongue and...-Jesus. That's no way to be thinking when you're out in public & trying to keep a lid on your feelings. </p><p>[Bucky & Steve ride The Cyclone at Coney Island]</p>
            </blockquote>





	to touch you

**Summer 1940**

"Come on - just once. For me, please?," Bucky pleads and uses the expression that makes all the girls swoon - big blue eyes and full lips only slightly in a pouting position.

It's a stifling 90 degrees out and they've no air conditioning in the small apartment that they share so Bucky had the grand idea of visiting Coney Island. It wasn't a first - they went every year whenever possible - the baths were perfect for cooling off. They stand to the side and allow people to shimmy past them - families, couples, older folks.

"Have you looked at that thing? What if I fall out?," Steve points toward The Cyclone - a tall winding roller coaster that Bucky is dying to ride - he has a knack for danger and it's one of few things that they have in common but Steve draws the line at rickety fair rides.

"How 'bout this? I'll squeeze in real close and make sure you don't get hurt," Bucky says with a shrug. Honestly he isn't _that_ excited about it and he has his doubts but he'd do just about anything to get closer to Steve without giving himself away. In the past year hes been on more dates than he should have and they're swell and all and there's something about kissing a girls warm lips and feeling the curve of her waist under his fingertips - it's nice but damn if he doesn't want to feel Steve's lips under his own and the taste of his tongue and...- _Jesus._ That's no way to be thinking when you're out in public & trying to keep a lid on your feelings.

"Fine, you big lug. I'll go with you but only so you don't get stuck with a hairy man or a grandma," Steve sighs as they take their place in line.

It's a ten minute wait in the blistering heat before they're seated side by side in what Steve calls 'a death trap with bars'.

The coaster creaks as it climbs toward the top - Bucky keeps stealing glances at Steve who is turning paler by the minute.

 _Whoosh_ \- a downward swoop that makes Bucky grin until he's afraid his face might crack in two.

"Steve? You okay pal?," he nudges Steve with his elbow and gets a silent grimace in return.

The roller coaster takes a sharp curve that pushes Steve against Bucky and he pays more attention to the skinny hand that has a firm grasp on his thigh than he does to the ride. Steve is holding on tight enough to leave bruises but Bucky makes no move to push his hand away.

"You might fly right outta here if I don't hold onto you, we can't have that can we?," Bucky yells over the sound of wind and the grinding of metal against wood as he wraps an arm around Steve's waist. He's nothing more than skin and bones but Bucky has never wanted anything more than everything that he is. God he wants it so bad that he craves it - wants to hold his hand in public so that everyone will know that Steve is his, longs to push him down on the bed they share and make the springs squeak, he _wants._

"Whatever you say," Steve says with a smirk even as he scoots in closer and Bucky tightens his grip.

They're rounding another corner when Bucky caresses Steve's waist with a thumb and he tells himself it's only because he doesn't want Steve to get hurt - he's skinny enough that there's too much room in between him and the safety bar in front of them but it's more than that. Always has been. He doesn't miss the way that Steve's grip tightens on his thigh and how his hand feels warmer than it was before.

Up, up, up they go as Steve presses his eyes closed as tight as he can - tries to focus on the feeling of Bucky's arm around his waist, imagines what it would be like if things were different.

The air is filled with shrieks from the couple behind them - a girl about their age with blonde curls and bright blue eyes and her date - a short guy with chestnut brown hair and eyes the color of the ocean. They grip one anothers hand tight on the safety bar and steal a kiss every one in awhile. Bucky can't help but feel jealous - he could take any girl he likes on every ride at Coney Island and kiss her until they're both gasping for air but he can't even hold Steve's hand. It's not fair. Instead he'll take what he can get and cover it up with humor or start rambling about his newest flame - that always works.

"Sorry to tell you but I think you're gonna survive," he leans in close and whispers against Steve's ear. He tells himself it's only because of the noise that he feels the need to whisper - it certainly isn't because he wants to be close enough to make Steve shiver - and he does.

"Guess so," Steve turns to look at him and attempts to covertly look him up and down - it fails and he blushes when he meets Bucky's eyes and lingers for a minute longer than he should have. He licks his lips and forces his eyes back onto the ride as Bucky untucks Steve's shirt and slips his hand inside to touch bare skin - traces a path up his waist and Steve finds it hard to breathe.

All too soon the ride slows to a halt and they quickly pull apart and re-join the crowd and not surprisingly Steve gets sick. He walks ahead and tucks his shirt back into his pants as Bucky nearly bumps into an older lady and apologizes profusely - _stop staring, Barnes._

"Lets go get our picture taken. It'll be fun and we can hang it on the wall next to your drawings," Bucky suggests as they near a booth that promises .10 souvenir pictures. 

"I don't know Buck," Steve rubs the back of his neck and hesitates - _what if someone thinks we're...no that's just silly._ _Bucky likes girls - hes proven that many times._

"One picture then we'll go home," Bucky takes him by the arm and drags him into the booth.

"On the count of three! One-two-", the man behind the camera cheerfully pushes them in front of wooden cut outs of trees and balloons. At the last minute Bucky grins and wraps an arm around Steve's shoulders, "Three! Got it."

 

"You know you don't hafta hold onto me Buck. I'm not fragile," Steve mumbles as they take their copy of the picture (the only one in existence) and weave in and out of crowds.

"Never said you couldn't take care of yourself Steve," Bucky folds the picture and puts it in his wallet for safe keeping as they pass concessions that boast about battered hot dogs and frozen custard.

"We should head home," Steve says with a sigh. Somewhere in between getting sick, second guessing Bucky's intentions _(pal...pal. that's all I am to him and why should I be? we've known one another our whole lives - probably thinks of me as a brother and the thoughts I have about him...well you shouldn't think of a brother that way or even a buddy)_ and the noise of the crowd - he's ready to call it quits. He wants to go home and lose himself in sketching - maybe he'll draw the ferris wheel or The Cyclone or Bucky's fingers when he... _Christ. focus on something else - anything else._

"Listen, I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't have made you go on that ride - I know how easily you get sick," Bucky frowns and shakes his head as they make their way home _(sure would be nice to be able to afford a ride home)._

"It's not that," Steve kicks at a rock and keeps his eyes on the ground as they walk. 

"Care to let me in on whats eatin' you?"

"I don't think we should be discussing it here or anywhere for that matter," Steve clenches his jaw and picks up the pace. He can feel his face heating and betraying him and he shouldn't have even brought it up - it would've been easier to claim he still had a queasy stomach.

"If I did something wrong I think I deserve to know what it is so I don't repeat it," Bucky says with irritation in his voice. _Should've kept my damn hands to myself._

"How 'bout we talk about it when we get home okay? Not right now - I need to think," Steve chews at his bottom lip like he does when he's deep in concentration or bending over his latest drawing and any other time Bucky would find it endearing but right now there's a knot in his stomach.

_It's not the first time I've touched him - I don't understand. I mean maybe an arm around his shoulder after he gets the stuffing nearly beat out of him again or a clap on the back counts, right? Granted they're not as intimate..._

 

They arrive at their apartment and give a polite wave to the neighbors before Steve pats all of his pockets for the key. Bucky silently nudges a lone rock aside and hands it to him - a spare key because Steve is forever losing his.

As soon as Bucky closes the door behind them Steve boils over and gives him the look that is usually reserved for bullies and anyone who wrongs him.

"You can't do that Bucky. Alright? You can't," he plops down on a semi-broken chair and it sends a cloud of dust in the air (what little furniture they have is hand-me-downs and is verging on falling apart).

"What did I do wrong Steve? You say it wasn't the ride so spill it," Bucky stretches out on the bed and kicks his shoes to the side. It's sweltering in the apartment but Steve wanted to go home so here they were.

"You know good and well what it was, Buck," Steve replies with a glare.

"I was tryin' to keep you safe is all," Bucky covers his head with a pillow and wills the conversation to be over because _god it's painful._

"Then how come you....my shirt," Steve spits out and grabs a sketch pad so that he has something to do with his hands because he might wring Bucky's neck if he doesn't occupy them. He wants to grab him by the shirt and give him a good long lecture about giving your friend the wrong idea and calling them pal in the next breath. It's maddening and confusing all at once.

"Is that what this is all about then? Jesus Steve...," he flops over onto his stomach and further buries his face in the pillow. It smells like Steve - his side of the bed.

"Don't give me that, Bucky Barnes," Steve grounds out as he angrily attempts to draw the flowers outside of the building but ends up sketching the shape of Bucky's lips instead.

"I'm sorry - won't happen again," Bucky feels sick to his stomach and bitter all at once. _If Steve were a girl this wouldn't even be an issue but I don't want that...never have._

"You don't get it do you?," Steve sets the drawing down and rubs his eyes. _Don't make me say it..._

"I'm tryin' but I got nothing to work with here."

"Sometimes you can be a real jerk," Steve sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. _Good job on opening that can of worms, Rogers. How you gonna get out of this one?_

Bucky groans louder than necessary and throws the pillow to the floor. _Round & round & round and we're getting nowhere fast. _

"You can't touch me like I'm one of your girls and call me pal! A fella might get the wrong idea," Steve yells and stomps to the kitchen to wash something - anything.

Bucky laughs and follows him which only serves to make Steve glare and bite his bottom lip again and that's all it takes. _I_ _t's all over with Barnes - he's called your bluff._

"Maybe I wanted to. Have you thought of that?," he keeps a safe distance from across the room and crosses his arms.

That's enough to get Steve's attention as he gets up in Bucky's personal space.

"So I'm your pal then? Is this what pals do?," he furrows his brow and does his best to hold onto the anger but it's fading and all he can focus on is the feeling of Bucky's body against his own - sticky and hot and the things he wants to do to him are enough to make anyone blush.

"Never said you were _just_ my pal," Bucky cautiously puts one hand on Steve's waist and, meeting no resistance, another. His chest is pounding & he can't remember ever feeling this innate hunger for another person - the closest he came to that was with Cindy when he lost his virginity and he'd hardly been able to contain himself. _This_ \- this is different. It's a whole 'nother beast - the kind that could land him in jail or worse if anyone knew. 

"Oh yeah?," Steve counters as he grabs Bucky's neck and kisses him - it's sloppy and frantic but it's enough to nearly make Bucky melt onto the floor. He moves onto Steve's neck and decides to be daring as he licks a path up one side and sucks a mark onto his shoulder. Steve lights a fire in him that no one else ever has & probably never will - he feels like hes burning he wants it so bad,  _needs_ it. 

"We should...go on," Steve whispers and it comes out in small puffs of breath - he's finding it hard to think. "Cyclone...more often."

Bucky laughs and nuzzles his neck.

" 'is kinda hot in here maybe I should take off a layer," he says as he breaks away long enough to pull his shirt up over his head and then Steve's.

Steve groans at the feeling of his naked chest against Bucky's and if this is heaven then he'll gladly give up this life and whatever may come next.

"You like that, pal?," Steve teases as he traces Bucky's lower lip with his tongue - _finally._

"Sure do  _friend,"_ Bucky laughs and gives Steve a kiss that's near pornographic in its intensity.  

 

It's a memory that will forever be etched in time and brought up when certain death looms around the corner - a covert way of saying _I can't touch you right now but I need you to know that I love you and we're gonna be okay. I'm with you 'till the end of the line._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the scene where Bucky reminds Steve of how he made him ride the Cyclone at Coney Island & he got sick. I'd like to think that there's more to that happy memory than that - there must've been a reason Bucky held onto it for so long. 
> 
> The Cyclone itself: http://files.doobybrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/cyclone-rollercoaster-black-and-white.jpg
> 
> In the 1940s LGBT+ couples often gathered at the Washington bath houses at Coney Island http://www.out.com/2013/10/07/queer-waterfront-brooklyn-history


End file.
